There is only one thing that is constant, but that one thing that is constant continually changes. And it is that which we lose when we try to describe it, touch it, or breath it.

There is only one thing that is constant, but that one thing that is constant continually changes. And it is that which we lose when we try to describe it, touch it, or breath it.

/ iowa flooding / THORAZINE THE RAGE OF THE 70'S

I was gonna comment on the reporter that told the poor people in Iowa not to water their lawns on National TV. The City is being destroyed by a flood of historical proportions. Crisis Counselors were being brought in, I think getting the people out of harms way is better. I just watch TV. So Crisis Counselors struck a nerve......

It was in the 1970's and people were going to mental hospitals for drug addiction. It wasn't called re-hab at that point. And people were not famous. The famous people just kept going and dying. Perhaps, it should still be called "the mental hospital." After all we are dealing with a disease.

There are many things I don't understand and this is one of them. How can you treat a drug addiction with a drug like Thorazine or Stellazine ? And why did we call writings on the web ezines. And why do they all end with the word zine.

Friends in High Schoool disappeared and were later found to be in the local mental hospital. After they "were" cured. They would tell of a drug named thorazine. For more info check out this site http://www.sntp.net/drugs/thorazine.htm


"People's voices came through filtered, strange. They could not penetrate my Thorazine fog; and I could not escape my drug prison." - Janet Gotkin, testimony before the Senate Subcommittee on the Abuse and Misuse of Controlled Drugs in Institutions (1977)

So these kids and young adults were sent to a mental hospital to break out of their addiction to drugs and placed in a physical and mental prison (Thorazine).

The people i knew either relapsed and went back to old habits, joined AA chained smoked, or kept taking the Prescribed drugs and did the thorazine shuffle which never got on in the clubs.

/ iowa flooding / THORAZINE THE RAGE OF THE 70'S

I was gonna comment on the reporter that told the poor people in Iowa not to water their lawns on National TV. The City is being destroyed by a flood of historical proportions. Crisis Counselors were being brought in, I think getting the people out of harms way is better. I just watch TV. So Crisis Counselors struck a nerve......

It was in the 1970's and people were going to mental hospitals for drug addiction. It wasn't called re-hab at that point. And people were not famous. The famous people just kept going and dying. Perhaps, it should still be called "the mental hospital." After all we are dealing with a disease.

There are many things I don't understand and this is one of them. How can you treat a drug addiction with a drug like Thorazine or Stellazine ? And why did we call writings on the web ezines. And why do they all end with the word zine.

Friends in High Schoool disappeared and were later found to be in the local mental hospital. After they "were" cured. They would tell of a drug named thorazine. For more info check out this site http://www.sntp.net/drugs/thorazine.htm


"People's voices came through filtered, strange. They could not penetrate my Thorazine fog; and I could not escape my drug prison." - Janet Gotkin, testimony before the Senate Subcommittee on the Abuse and Misuse of Controlled Drugs in Institutions (1977)

So these kids and young adults were sent to a mental hospital to break out of their addiction to drugs and placed in a physical and mental prison (Thorazine).

The people i knew either relapsed and went back to old habits, joined AA chained smoked, or kept taking the Prescribed drugs and did the thorazine shuffle which never got on in the clubs.

soot dune memories hiding malignant truths

Exhaust sand dunes flow down sidewalks.
shopping cart pushers out on the streets...
not angels, not devils, not hip hop or echoes of be bop, nothing special just sad meandering people that can be good or bad. its warm inside.

Solo conversations in the shadows, television dreams cascade down memories of time that drips out of spoons, like turpentine in your eyes. the deaf walking of the still night hawks grasping at their necks, thrashing , night sweats in a dream,
and for that first 3 minutes you feel alive and refreshed until you realize your awake.

washing my face looking in the mirro a tired cliche
sip on a coffee get it 1/2 price vefore the korean lady gets in, and the waitress working two jobs understands because she can barely make the payments.

you walk by the headlines searching for change on your way to the Super Market., Blurred Newspaper headlines, checking for change, there is a war, there is mortgage crisis, look over the towards the dumpsters and see Maria dive in for old lettuce and cucumbers, she puts them in her car. Must be living in it cause its full of shit.
The dumpster is left unlocked by a good worker willing to break a rule so people can dive in and get some old food.

buy my oatmeal and walk back khome, set it on the counterr, and stare at the hole in the drywall alone. everyone i know is dead, and my children dont know where i live cuz they are better off without me.

I throw my coffee mug against the wall at what could have been. we all have our own private hells.

but the soot dunes keep moving and the bodies keep piling up. long drag on a bad cigarette.

soot dune memories hiding malignant truths

Exhaust sand dunes flow down sidewalks.
shopping cart pushers out on the streets...
not angels, not devils, not hip hop or echoes of be bop, nothing special just sad meandering people that can be good or bad. its warm inside.

Solo conversations in the shadows, television dreams cascade down memories of time that drips out of spoons, like turpentine in your eyes. the deaf walking of the still night hawks grasping at their necks, thrashing , night sweats in a dream,
and for that first 3 minutes you feel alive and refreshed until you realize your awake.

washing my face looking in the mirro a tired cliche
sip on a coffee get it 1/2 price vefore the korean lady gets in, and the waitress working two jobs understands because she can barely make the payments.

you walk by the headlines searching for change on your way to the Super Market., Blurred Newspaper headlines, checking for change, there is a war, there is mortgage crisis, look over the towards the dumpsters and see Maria dive in for old lettuce and cucumbers, she puts them in her car. Must be living in it cause its full of shit.
The dumpster is left unlocked by a good worker willing to break a rule so people can dive in and get some old food.

buy my oatmeal and walk back khome, set it on the counterr, and stare at the hole in the drywall alone. everyone i know is dead, and my children dont know where i live cuz they are better off without me.

I throw my coffee mug against the wall at what could have been. we all have our own private hells.

but the soot dunes keep moving and the bodies keep piling up. long drag on a bad cigarette.

the cutter rewind the tape

she had a web cam, her hair was black, and she stayed in her room at night, she showed her scars to strangers, who looked and commented, some said thats sad get help, some said your a pig, some said you should have cut deeper, and some said nothing at all.she came on for weeks and weeks. and then one day she stopped.
did she stop coming on line or did she cut to deep and just stop living.
then it gets real.and then it fades away. cut, calm, euphoria, peaceful feeling as the razor cuts the skin. It is nothing new, it was happening in the 70's

the cutter rewind the tape

she had a web cam, her hair was black, and she stayed in her room at night, she showed her scars to strangers, who looked and commented, some said thats sad get help, some said your a pig, some said you should have cut deeper, and some said nothing at all.she came on for weeks and weeks. and then one day she stopped.
did she stop coming on line or did she cut to deep and just stop living.
then it gets real.and then it fades away. cut, calm, euphoria, peaceful feeling as the razor cuts the skin. It is nothing new, it was happening in the 70's

On-Line Banking

"would you like to try on-line banking?"

I was waffling today whether or not to use the atm or the bank teller. I was at one of those stores where they have litle banks where a bakery should be.
The check was for a substantial amount, ok just a $1000, So I decded to wait for the teller. Can we call them tellers or are they customer service attendants these days. The line was moving slow, After having my teeth extracted one by one, it was my turn.

I handed the young lady my deposit slip which i had made an error on, so filled out another one.

"Good morning sir. how are you today ?"
"fine fine. I should have brought my glasses."
"would you like to try on-line banking" , she asked.
"No thank you" I was perplexed at this question since iwas at the bank and she was promoting the demise of her own job,

She wrote whatever it is they write down.
As she was writing "She confronted me and said why don't you like on-line backing?"
I stood there with my mouth open. I just wanted to make a deposit
She was peristent. " I said I dont trust it. I work with computers and dont trust them." I was hoping she would simply deposit my money, but no.

"Well you should at least try on-line banking"

Finally i said, " I am Trying "in-line" banking and it is not going to well.
She was perplexed. I explained aas the line behind me grew.
"In-Line banking is where i stand in line and attempt to make a transaction."

After all that I realized I needed some cash back.
"I need $40 cash"

"You will have to re-do the slip and step over there."

"You mean i cant just finished the deposit , swipe my card enter my pin and get $40?"

"No sir you will need to fill out a slip again?"

"I told her forget it. I would use the atm which is somewhere between in-line and on-line banking."

She didnt get the humor by the way.

On-Line Banking

"would you like to try on-line banking?"

I was waffling today whether or not to use the atm or the bank teller. I was at one of those stores where they have litle banks where a bakery should be.
The check was for a substantial amount, ok just a $1000, So I decded to wait for the teller. Can we call them tellers or are they customer service attendants these days. The line was moving slow, After having my teeth extracted one by one, it was my turn.

I handed the young lady my deposit slip which i had made an error on, so filled out another one.

"Good morning sir. how are you today ?"
"fine fine. I should have brought my glasses."
"would you like to try on-line banking" , she asked.
"No thank you" I was perplexed at this question since iwas at the bank and she was promoting the demise of her own job,

She wrote whatever it is they write down.
As she was writing "She confronted me and said why don't you like on-line backing?"
I stood there with my mouth open. I just wanted to make a deposit
She was peristent. " I said I dont trust it. I work with computers and dont trust them." I was hoping she would simply deposit my money, but no.

"Well you should at least try on-line banking"

Finally i said, " I am Trying "in-line" banking and it is not going to well.
She was perplexed. I explained aas the line behind me grew.
"In-Line banking is where i stand in line and attempt to make a transaction."

After all that I realized I needed some cash back.
"I need $40 cash"

"You will have to re-do the slip and step over there."

"You mean i cant just finished the deposit , swipe my card enter my pin and get $40?"

"No sir you will need to fill out a slip again?"

"I told her forget it. I would use the atm which is somewhere between in-line and on-line banking."

She didnt get the humor by the way.

church, freeways, and dad

i remember when i used to go to mass as a kid. we heard a loud noises outside, sirens, panic , someone laid down on the tracks, and committed suicide, the white sheets covered the parts. Indelible memory

my father drove slow so we could get a good look.

i remember when we used to go to the old mans house and he was a drunk. but he was the old man. on the way there was horrible accident, dead bodies every where, uncovered, only one woman sitting on the street between the the wreckage and uncovered bodies,

my father drove by real slow so we good get a good look.

It took years for that image to stop floating in the air when i went to bed at night.

Now the images are buried deep, the details lost.

church, freeways, and dad

i remember when i used to go to mass as a kid. we heard a loud noises outside, sirens, panic , someone laid down on the tracks, and committed suicide, the white sheets covered the parts. Indelible memory

my father drove slow so we could get a good look.

i remember when we used to go to the old mans house and he was a drunk. but he was the old man. on the way there was horrible accident, dead bodies every where, uncovered, only one woman sitting on the street between the the wreckage and uncovered bodies,

my father drove by real slow so we good get a good look.

It took years for that image to stop floating in the air when i went to bed at night.

Now the images are buried deep, the details lost.

vISION OF THE FUTURE P 55 1988

And there were those that wait. Actions of the past coming home to roost late with unforced purity, break away cold layers of inaction, and the thaw began.
My arms are getting thinner and my waist is getting tight, voice hissing talk over the phone; losing weight, losing weight.
But my heart is heavy, down on my bed, getting thin.

It's the call; the call dont ask questions. Dont ask another about the call just go.
It gets like this sometimes, so i took a break and opened a can of coffee, fresh three and one half scoops, drop down in the filter, turn on the radio, Robert J Blues thank you for the invitation. Bathrobe loose on the waist, ready to start fresh, run fingers through my hair
moment by moment taste so good. I hope you can hear me.

Note added 2008 of course this sucks. u dont choose your visions.

vISION OF THE FUTURE P 55 1988

And there were those that wait. Actions of the past coming home to roost late with unforced purity, break away cold layers of inaction, and the thaw began.
My arms are getting thinner and my waist is getting tight, voice hissing talk over the phone; losing weight, losing weight.
But my heart is heavy, down on my bed, getting thin.

It's the call; the call dont ask questions. Dont ask another about the call just go.
It gets like this sometimes, so i took a break and opened a can of coffee, fresh three and one half scoops, drop down in the filter, turn on the radio, Robert J Blues thank you for the invitation. Bathrobe loose on the waist, ready to start fresh, run fingers through my hair
moment by moment taste so good. I hope you can hear me.

Note added 2008 of course this sucks. u dont choose your visions.

page 83 unknown datE

PERCEPTION WITHOUT SUSTAIN
MOMENT BY MOMENT BY MOMENT
NOT GRASPED

page 83 unknown datE

PERCEPTION WITHOUT SUSTAIN
MOMENT BY MOMENT BY MOMENT
NOT GRASPED

1989 page 54

Through the papers
Stacked on a shelf
writing through dreams

We'll be walking across mountains
Yesterday is no tomorrow

No Sympathy, No Gratitude
just dusty tables

1989 page 54

Through the papers
Stacked on a shelf
writing through dreams

We'll be walking across mountains
Yesterday is no tomorrow

No Sympathy, No Gratitude
just dusty tables

politics 2008

the late hunter s thompson said the dems were a party of losers and it seems that they are. It was a sure thing , a clean sweep, there was no way they could lose. in comes howard dean and the games begin.
Its like a smoked filled bowling alley in the late 1970's and the kids are cheating at pinball by placing ashtrays underneath the legs to level the playing field.
The parents twisted in a martini funk stare at a split and say "damn it". And they wait for the ball.

Todays haze is zoloft lexapro for the older folks and kids on oxy or vicodin feelin that tightness in their chest. They feel they are doing something. as William S Burroughs said people on junk or a derivative of junk always feel they are doing something. Well what happens in November when the pharmacy is closed ? Unbalanced depression cases, anxiety ridden loons, and cranky oxy college kids wont get out and vote.

The twisted and fungus invested feet of bedrock america will come out and vote with a toothless grin.
and the President will be JM..... just a prediction.




Well it is 2008 and we have managed to make thibngs real messy. and do mean we. isnt their a good sam law?????? Shouldnt we have said something , perhaps even blinked while this debacle was taking place.

There will be fire in the streets like in the 1960's whether it is june or November it doesnt matter.
As hunter s thompson used to say the fat is in the fire and the hog is in the tunnel.
Read all his books great great great writer.

politics 2008

the late hunter s thompson said the dems were a party of losers and it seems that they are. It was a sure thing , a clean sweep, there was no way they could lose. in comes howard dean and the games begin.
Its like a smoked filled bowling alley in the late 1970's and the kids are cheating at pinball by placing ashtrays underneath the legs to level the playing field.
The parents twisted in a martini funk stare at a split and say "damn it". And they wait for the ball.

Todays haze is zoloft lexapro for the older folks and kids on oxy or vicodin feelin that tightness in their chest. They feel they are doing something. as William S Burroughs said people on junk or a derivative of junk always feel they are doing something. Well what happens in November when the pharmacy is closed ? Unbalanced depression cases, anxiety ridden loons, and cranky oxy college kids wont get out and vote.

The twisted and fungus invested feet of bedrock america will come out and vote with a toothless grin.
and the President will be JM..... just a prediction.




Well it is 2008 and we have managed to make thibngs real messy. and do mean we. isnt their a good sam law?????? Shouldnt we have said something , perhaps even blinked while this debacle was taking place.

There will be fire in the streets like in the 1960's whether it is june or November it doesnt matter.
As hunter s thompson used to say the fat is in the fire and the hog is in the tunnel.
Read all his books great great great writer.

industrial zone

Where have all the Italians gone ?
White washed , hanging out there with well trimmed lawns. parkways shrouded by elms. lost dialects.

And no one comes around.

Bread deliveries, milk inside always skim, checkered table cloths.

Swallow movies on que. Death to vitals. How how we send through a message, download, acceptable use policy screen saver tones and messages. when you see now slow and languid it is just a web cam world tired and sad. a reflection nothing new. Just amplified.

industrial zone

Where have all the Italians gone ?
White washed , hanging out there with well trimmed lawns. parkways shrouded by elms. lost dialects.

And no one comes around.

Bread deliveries, milk inside always skim, checkered table cloths.

Swallow movies on que. Death to vitals. How how we send through a message, download, acceptable use policy screen saver tones and messages. when you see now slow and languid it is just a web cam world tired and sad. a reflection nothing new. Just amplified.

Linda, MOM and her Sisters 1989

Sitting in a dime a dance bar some time back in the 80's. The driver waits.
The driver stares with his eyes Watches over the drinks. A broken bottle crashes down, stares of no hables ingles
"what you doing here?"
It's all out there. Time gone eternal.
Beer on the floor, the smell of urine, fat bullshit artists, dirty men, hard day at the office, no office exists

In a corner watered down drinks sing
Teardrop tones of buy me one more
Tatste the bare taste of loathing
This is a social life. Dont knock they let you in.
This was linda's Masters Degree in Liberal arts.

Linda, MOM and her Sisters 1989

Sitting in a dime a dance bar some time back in the 80's. The driver waits.
The driver stares with his eyes Watches over the drinks. A broken bottle crashes down, stares of no hables ingles
"what you doing here?"
It's all out there. Time gone eternal.
Beer on the floor, the smell of urine, fat bullshit artists, dirty men, hard day at the office, no office exists

In a corner watered down drinks sing
Teardrop tones of buy me one more
Tatste the bare taste of loathing
This is a social life. Dont knock they let you in.
This was linda's Masters Degree in Liberal arts.

Parking Lot Joe and the Broom

joe sat by the wash tub and listened to the water. he was a wino and he heard voices in the sound of the water. when asked if he would take cocaine, he thought about it and said "I would from a fat man".

i swept the parking lots down on 6th and san pedro back in the 80's and it was bad then. It was so bad that there were no women in the area except those that were men.


I wore a hard hat to keep the adddicts and nuts from throwing bottles down at me. Back then you could call people addicts and nuts becuase that was what they were. They knew it and we knew it. Each day there was healthy amount of hypodermic needles ( seems TV was wrong....these bastards threw the needles down from the el rey hotel ) , lots of broken glass from that night train express enriched wine, cant recall the exact name and you dont keep notes.

The dead rats really stunk and they were washed back down into the ally when they could be washed down. You see the piss was thrown down from the hotel, it stained the walls when it missed the the lot, and old wino men hid under trucks, night crawlers, hid under trucks and shit and pissed where they could.

On one occassion the bosses called the cops on a man who woul not get out from under the truck, he stood up, and pissed his pants. The cops just told him get moving. so he did with a trail of piss. I washed it down, but you can never really clean this scene.

It stay with you forever

Parking Lot Joe and the Broom

joe sat by the wash tub and listened to the water. he was a wino and he heard voices in the sound of the water. when asked if he would take cocaine, he thought about it and said "I would from a fat man".

i swept the parking lots down on 6th and san pedro back in the 80's and it was bad then. It was so bad that there were no women in the area except those that were men.


I wore a hard hat to keep the adddicts and nuts from throwing bottles down at me. Back then you could call people addicts and nuts becuase that was what they were. They knew it and we knew it. Each day there was healthy amount of hypodermic needles ( seems TV was wrong....these bastards threw the needles down from the el rey hotel ) , lots of broken glass from that night train express enriched wine, cant recall the exact name and you dont keep notes.

The dead rats really stunk and they were washed back down into the ally when they could be washed down. You see the piss was thrown down from the hotel, it stained the walls when it missed the the lot, and old wino men hid under trucks, night crawlers, hid under trucks and shit and pissed where they could.

On one occassion the bosses called the cops on a man who woul not get out from under the truck, he stood up, and pissed his pants. The cops just told him get moving. so he did with a trail of piss. I washed it down, but you can never really clean this scene.

It stay with you forever

SLEEP ON WALLS, SHADOW MOVEMNTS Joe

On the wall, rides into the city, act and talk, as though creation is about to take place, in the future, supposedly friends, unneeded hostile innuendo, always creeping in on the conbversation. Eyes looking at you, searching, say "what did i do wrong eyes'>
And alist begins to pile up and silence shrouds our minds, silence peels away, holes in the wall, watch television, the feeling of being a non-lover enters the room, in your mind or mine we bein to question whether that situation or this situation is normal. This other , that other.
That is what it is like when i go out some nights and then come home.

Pin the tail on the Jackass its Joey's birthday. We turn offf the was tub sink and give Joe some vodka so he can make it back to his state funded flat with a communal toilet.

SLEEP ON WALLS, SHADOW MOVEMNTS Joe

On the wall, rides into the city, act and talk, as though creation is about to take place, in the future, supposedly friends, unneeded hostile innuendo, always creeping in on the conbversation. Eyes looking at you, searching, say "what did i do wrong eyes'>
And alist begins to pile up and silence shrouds our minds, silence peels away, holes in the wall, watch television, the feeling of being a non-lover enters the room, in your mind or mine we bein to question whether that situation or this situation is normal. This other , that other.
That is what it is like when i go out some nights and then come home.

Pin the tail on the Jackass its Joey's birthday. We turn offf the was tub sink and give Joe some vodka so he can make it back to his state funded flat with a communal toilet.

sunset near ralphs apartment

crawled across underneath a raining tree
and thru the misting silence
lonely misconstrued coin falls down from a change purse time gone eternal
grandma dead over 30 years
how i feel isnt even felt, just images
"i care about you"
and it is me dead...a memory that I once cried.
smoking in your car culver city tear drop street lights
i take a drag and wait
liquid air fluctuates in the distance

sunset near ralphs apartment

crawled across underneath a raining tree
and thru the misting silence
lonely misconstrued coin falls down from a change purse time gone eternal
grandma dead over 30 years
how i feel isnt even felt, just images
"i care about you"
and it is me dead...a memory that I once cried.
smoking in your car culver city tear drop street lights
i take a drag and wait
liquid air fluctuates in the distance